Dear Motorist,
As you are aware, the alarm on your car went off this morning at a ridiculous hour, causing me to wake up incredibly early and now hate the world.
I assume you're aware of it, as by the time I'd managed to just about block out the noise by closing all windows and wedging my head between two pillows, you decided yes, perhaps it was a good time now to turn the bastard thing off.
I'm really writing to warn you that should this happen again, I can see an element of my sanity dying. The chain of events I envisage occurs as follows:
1) A brick through your windscreen
2) That brick is retrieved and put through any more glass I can find that belongs to you. Including drinking & reading glasses, and any crappy glass ornaments you may possess. Got a glass eye? BONUS!
3) Same brick again is used to break your shins, and knock you the fuck out.
4) I'm gonna rewire your car alarm to your fucking eyeballs so instead of being woken up by a shitty siren noise, I can send myself to sleep with the peaceful sounds of you screaming in agony.
I would do all this today, but I have a hard day at work ahead of me becuase I didn't get a good night's sleep for some reason.
Yours sincerely
Alarm Loving Chris
Open Letters To Bastards 